In a recent interview with the ex-CEO of the ‘Trading Jack‘ chain of health food stores, Doug Ritcher talks glowingly about his new business venture.  He’s opening a store called ‘The Yummy Crumb‘, which will upcycle foods thrown out by grocery stores, and sell them at a discount to the working poor.

In the video clip of the interview, we see Ritcher sitting comfortably in front of a giant plate-glass window with a dreamy, underwater view into a swimming pool. The pool belongs to Mark Zuckerberg who apparently was entertaining a bunch of American Apparel models at the time. An occasional gangly body appears in the water behind Ritcher’s head, swanning around in ballooning, super *caj* cargo shorts and camisole tops.

At about minute 3:04 in the video, Ritcher’s toothy grin gets swallowed up by his well-groomed prophet’s beard, and he frowningly gets down to business.  “I’m what’s called (air quotes) a Good Capitalist.  Tons and tons of expired food are being throw out by the food chains, and that’s an obscene waste!  ‘The Yummy Crumb’ upcycles that food, provides good nutrition for the working poor and allows them to be active participants in the economy. You know about the trickle down theory?  Well I’m making it happen.  I’m trickling down hard!” And with that Ritcher resumes his long-toothed grin, while in the background one of the swimmers positions himself in slo-mo up against the bubbling aerator pipe in the pool and holds that position, obviously enjoying the powerful ministrations.

Swimmer4TableCrumbs (2)

The video clip ends with the interviewer asking about the heart-shaped charm that Ritcher’s wearing around his neck. She wonders aloud that it’s “…a locket without hinges!”.  Richter explains that it’s solid gold, and that if it opened it would be “…worth less, of course”.

Disclaimer: I made this whole post up, inspired by a couple of business headlines. Satire, man!

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